This is a leadership skill that I don’t see talked about explicitly. When you are in a position of authority or seniority, that position carries a weight. Sometimes that weight is helpful to get things done, but it can also get in the way. We often go into meetings with people who have impressive titles feeling a bit intimidated. So, if we find ourselves on the intimidating side, why should we care? For one, there’s enough general anxiety in the world that anything we can do to dispel that is a good idea. From a professional perspective, I think most of us don’t play at our best while in a place of fear.
By definition, our role as leaders is to make others better. So, it’s important to think about how to mitigate any unintended side effects of our title or standing that could interfere with our mission. Conversations between people at different levels often start with the more junior position in a “one down” position. The book Helping by Edgar Schein goes into this in detail. But simply put, one of the first things to focus on is how to bring equilibrium to the encounter, so that we can proceed as equal human beings.
I seek to create an environment that is conducive to connection. I have been told by some, who care deeply about me, that I have a resting —– face when in concentration mode. So, I try to monitor my own body language and make sure I don’t send any unintentional messages. I like to share an eclectic real-world background that tells a bit about me (for me it’s usually a video call, but the same holds true for a physical workspace). I hope that my audience finds something they can connect with or can at least see me as a human outside of the title I inhabit for work.
It’s good to set context at the beginning of the conversation. Oftentimes the people who I am there to help feel like they need to satisfy some agenda on my end. That’s a waste of time and probably frustrating for all parties. I am amazed at how a quick recalibration of expectations can set someone at ease.
Sometimes you have conversations about tough stuff. Maybe someone messed up and things didn’t go as planned. What’s done is usually done and it isn’t particularly helpful to dwell on the blame. Focusing on what we learned and what we can do differently next time shifts us into growth and improvement mode. Most people know when mistakes happen, and we need to pull them out of a negative spiral, not punish them for being fallible.
Put your intention into creating these conditions of trust and you’ll be a more successful leader as well as playing a small part in creating a less stressful world.